Justice: 18. Casting a Net
Recruiting in the group? Well, there was the behind-the-scenes recruiting to get people in the group. This whole groundwork would be done to get people to a place where they thought this was something they needed. It was also a hand-picked thing. Angelo wasn’t that into numbers. Not that I saw. Gaboto said he was wanting more numbers at one point, but I think that was a passing thing. I think Angelo knew his limit at controlling a certain number of people (I think 150 was max for him.) I know the people they looked for were those without kids, people just over some traumatic time that are raw and open emotionally, younger (age-wise) – just out of college seemed to work well.. or a divorced person looking to start over. It was a dynamic changing thing but certain M.O.’s just seemed to fit better. The searcher. The one that was looking for something more. Looking for the meaning of life. And Angelo thought he had the answers for them.
The recruitment for his “boys”… with some of them it was really obvious… all the time and care that was being put into breaking them… with most though, it was way more subtle. But even before they joined the groups, guys might be targeted. I remember one guy that was really handsome, Angelo posted his picture on his mirror before he had even joined the group. And he’d be very involved with their contact person in how they were handled… setting up liaisons or contact people that could feed him the information they got from the guy. Because the more background info he had on them, the more he could wow them with his insights about who they were and what they need when they eventually met.
And with guys already in the group… you could just tell… you could see him giving the guys the extra attention. He will put a few hooks out there to see how they react… in class or wherever. What became obvious to me was that he was testing, “How much do they want Daddy’s love?” to see what parts they were missing that he could fill. Like squeezing a peach at the market. But looks would be the first determining factor. Straight or gay didn’t matter, that was no real boundary to him. It seemed easy for him to get straight guys to make them think they wanted to be with him – and that it was their idea.
But that was just for sex or something. Angelo didn’t actually fall for them like he did me. I only saw one guy where that light bulb went off with me and I thought that might be happening. And one day I was giving him a ride somewhere and told him, “Listen, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And if you need help, let me know.” Once again, we didn’t talk about things outright. It was more like code. I don’t know if he even knew what I was saying. Probably not. Gaboto had given me the same sort of “not really saying anything” warning. Something like “I’ve served him like you’re serving him, if you need help, let me know.” And I know I could have taken that in so many ways. But I didn’t know Gaboto was having sex with Angelo until all of this stuff started coming out. I didn’t know what was going on, so I couldn’t recognize the warning. Looking back, that was probably also true with the others. Even so, I’m glad I got to say it.
After that though, I think I just washed my hands of it. But as a “boy” would become more and more important, the thing that bothered me most (and it wasn’t their fault) was how Angelo would rub it in people’s faces. Almost as a big f.ck you. He used to do that with me and Quentin (the “boy” before me) – we were screwing around, making all this noise and Quentin is down in the courtyard and could hear it all. When I mentioned it to Angelo, he just said, “Who cares? He doesn’t care.” But when the “boy” becomes so important it affects everything. It affects everyone in the house – the ones that had been living there forever. And others too. Like in the mornings, Angelo would take these long ass walks with his “boy” through the woods… and you know they’re just f.cking back there. And then they’d come back to the yard 40 minutes later looking all disheveled… back to everyone that has been waiting in the garden to get their Namaste before they go to work or whatever. And Angelo seemed to like rubbing people’s noses in it. It was always hard on everyone when a new “boy” became the poodle. Because then we’re not just taking care of Angelo and his crazy body issues, but the poodle’s crazy body issues as well. And there’s ALWAYS body issues. I think it’s emotional bullshit that causes it. You know what I mean? But it wasn’t their fault. Usually they’re not being malicious or taking advantage… they are just so wrapped up in their own stuff that they probably don’t notice how others are being impacted. And you just don’t think you have any choice. It’s just what is being asked of you.
Lying? It’s not an exaggeration to say that lying was more prevalent than anything else in the group. The only truths were the basic truths of satsang. At this point, that’s all the truth that’s left. Everyone is just so used to living in these convoluted webs. No one was really being upfront about what they were doing or who they were. Some people were lying about a few things, some people were lying about everything… but everyone was lying about something.
Of all the things I’ve heard or read in that email, I think I was most surprised how many boys Angelo diddled. I thought I knew the guys he was messing with.. but I was shocked… when I heard some names… after I left the group. Also, right at the beginning, I remember starting to ask him about, “When you and
Manipulations? {sigh} I just wish I had never had to be a part of any of it… but when I was, I thought I was doing it for the greater good. You convince yourself you know? Or allow yourself to be convinced. It was all about manipulation in the group. But with me it was mostly “share this tonight” or he’d ask who shared what if he wasn’t around. I’d have to spout what people said to make sure everyone was sharing the way he wanted them to share. He was really trying to monitor Ryker a lot. Or anyone considered a “loose cannon”… he wanted to make sure they weren’t saying anything they shouldn’t have been.
