April Fools!

Well, that was amusing! I amused myself at the idea of that last post, but I was equally amused to receive so much helpful info from readers who didn't want me wasting my time wandering the beach to find Angelo. People offered his address, his phone number and all that, but I was more amused by his "schedule." It seems not that much has changed after all. This is an example:

His routine is pretty much the same as it always was. He goes to the gym on Kalakuau St. in Waikiki on Tuesday and Saturday, and then goes swimming afterwards at the "gay" beach (called Queen's beach - and yes, it's really called that) The other days he does outings or swims late in the day. He and those with him are often at Lanikai Beach -- he walks there from his house to do Tai Chi and dance in the sand (still the picture of discretion you can see)

There was more (and more detail) but you get the gist of it. This cracked me up... not just because it sounded so much like "business as usual" but because people were so helpful when they thought I might be wandering around the beach trying to find him. I'm not sure why that amused me so much. But it did.

How Could I Have Been So Blind?

I woke up this morning and it was like a fog had lifted from my eyes. Really. Everything seemed so clear and I was aghast at what I have done. It's not like I didn't KNOW that this is what the mind does... it has been that way all through history... but to be confronted with it so suddenly was devastating.

I don't really know what to do at this point. I know Angelo lives on the beaches of Kailua now, so I suppose I could use my upcoming vacation to scour the beaches... how large an area can that be? I know if I run into him, he'll understand. He knows the mind after all. In fact, I'm sure if he saw me, we would both crack up laughing.

It's decided then. I'll let you know how it goes...

Eureka! I've found him!

Evidently, Angelo has moved from Hawaii and taken up residence in this monastery in Poland. Watch the video and you'll see what I mean.
Polish Monks


Also, my post about Moses being "high" elicited a response that I added to the end of the original post.

How To Start Your OWN Cult Video

I ran across this YouTube video so of course, I had to post it.

Jewish Buddhist Quotes

Someone sent me this email and the Sayings of the Jewish Buddhists made me laugh, so here they are. I'll probably make them "fortune cookie" quotes at some point.

• If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
• Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
• Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second sip, satisfaction. With the third sip, peace. With the fourth, a Danish.
• Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
• Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
• There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
• Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
• The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
• Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out . Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
• Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
• Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
• Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
• The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says maybe > there is no self. So maybe we're off the hook.

The Love Guru - His Karma Is Huge

I saw this poster for an upcoming movie called The Love Guru (with Michael Myers). Good Lord. I want to see it because it'll probably be hilarious. But at that same time, I don't want flashbacks. What to do... what to do...

Oh well, I have time. It doesn't come out until June.

Puppetji Shares Socksang

Seiva sent me this video of Puppetji sharing Socksang. It really made me laugh so I thought I would pass it on to you. Enjoy!

Zombie Masters and Spiritual Masters

I recently saw the movie Resident Evil: Extinction. Afterward, discussing the movie, someone reminded me that I used to refer to those still with Angelo as "zombies." I laughed because I'm sure I did it for the sake of its comedic value but I was also struck again by the truth of the metaphor for how some people approach their spiritual practice.

Zombies are the Un-dead, beings that are neither alive nor dead but walk around in a strange parody of life. Zombies have sometimes been used as a metaphor for the un-thinking consumerism of our society. In other instances, they are simply creatures in horror movies. But the actual origin of the zombie legend lies in Voodoo. In Voodoo, a bokor (Voodoo sorcerer) could supposedly revive the dead to serve as his un-thinking slaves - with no will of their own. In popular fantasy today, these bokor have also been referred to as Zombie Lords or Zombie Masters.

Let's take a look at the difference between a Zombie Master and a Spiritual Master:

Zombie Master	Spiritual Master
A Zombie Master brings the dead back to life.	A Spiritual Master awakens the spiritually asleep (or "the dead")
The re-animated dead move around in a parody of life, obeying the will of the Zombie Master.	The very lucky disciple attains a state of being where they become dis-identified with their own life/personality and become fully identified with the identity cultivated by the master. This person loses all but a marginal ability to think independently, feel authentically, and initiate and maintain real relationships. In this walking trance-like state, the person identifies only with the pseudo-personality of the master's design.
The re-animated dead can have no true relationships because the only thing that they see is the Zombie Master. The only thing they know is his will.	A true disciple acknowledges only the relationship with the Spiritual Master as genuine, and only the Master's will as important.
The re-animated dead can initiate no action on their own.	Meditating for long periods, the true disciple can become very passive -- content to "just be" and watch/enjoy the world around them. They become spiritual witnesses, watching life unfold in the moment, blissfully following sonambulant routines... fully present as they move in "service" or chew and swallow "fuel for the body." There is no desire to take charge and make something happen without the express command of the Spiritual Master. If they become vaguely aware of hopes and dreams (as troubling feelings that mar their serenity), they seek the Master's help to abolish them.
The re-animated dead usually do not speak, but sometimes a garble that parodies their instruction from the Zombie Lord can be heard coming from their lips.	The disciple treasures silence but, when it speaks, it is usually a garbled version of whatever the Spiritual Master last shared.
If the re-animated dead break free of the Zombie Lord's control, they lose their animation, seeming to "return" to death immediately and painlessly. Blissfully unaware that their "gift of life" was not true life, but a mockery of it.	If a disciple breaks from the Spiritual Master's control, they can wander aimlessly for a while... lost, and alone -- looking for their heart that they misplaced along the way. The lucky ones are painfully aware that their "gift of life" was not true life, but a mockery of it. The unlucky ones, simply carry on, consciously imitating their former zombie ways in an attempt to return to the numbness that they mistakenly believe was life.

Note: This analysis is presented for comedic purposes only and is not intended to offend any Zombie Masters or Spiritual Masters among our readers.

Top 10 Ways to Identify a Cult

If you stumble upon a group of people and, after reading this, you are wondering if they are a cult... there are some things you can look for:

1. Co-habitating adults - If a group of "roommates" (way past the college/young-adult age) move in next door -- and it seems as if most of them don't have a job, then score 1 point.
   
2. Speedos - If a large number of the guys are wearing Speedo swimsuits -- first ask yourself if it could be a swim team. Next look around and see if you have somehow transported yourself back to 1980. If the answer to both of these questions is no, then score 1 point.
3. A sudden change in behavior at your approach - If you see a group sitting/standing around a central figure and, when you approach, they suddenly break into a chorus of "Happy Birthday," score 1 point. An alternative to this is that they will start slouching and looking around (in their approximation of "dead" people.) I didn't actually realize how weird this looked until recently. I accidentally stumbled upon a Sunday outing at a local theater. They were gathered outside the theater, presumably to share about the film they had just seen. When I rode by in my car it was so weird... they all simultaneously adopted a "casual" stance (leaning against the wall and looking up at the sky, or looking around as if amazed that they happened to be standing there... that it was just a coincidence that they were standing there in a circle.... you'll know it if you see it.) You won't understand what they think they are doing, but you'll recognize how weird it is. And then you can score 1 point.
   
4. The Throne - If you see people setting up a "handicapped chair" (that more closely resembles a throne than any device to aid a disabled person), score 1 point.
5. Conflicting responses - If you have suspicions about a group, approach them and ask in a non-threatening way, "What's going on?" If they say they are some sort of ecological group or film group, score 1/2 a point. Next, either ask how you can join and ask for a flyer or contact information (because what real group isn't open to new members?) - OR - Move 10 or 15 people away and ask the same question again to see if you get a different response. If you get any sort of weird response, there's your other 1/2 point.
   

I'm leaving this half-done for the moment. Feel free to contribute your own. :D

Remembering the Aftermath of 9-11

Yesterday was the anniversary of the Attack of 9-11 and many people took a moment to reflect on the collapse of their world as they knew it. I remember being horrified, but for me it wasn't the collapse of my world and my sense of security... that came at a harmless-seeming dinner a few years later. But what I'm choosing to remember today is the aftermath of 9-11 in the Buddha Field.... it may be the only funny thing to come out of that terrible tragedy.

After 9-11, Angelo became scared of those numbers. I'm not really sure how you can be scared of a number, but I'm assured his fears went beyond thinking they were "unlucky." For instance, he would freak out if the clock said 9:11 -- so he had them tape pieces of paper over the final digit on all the clocks in the house so that it would never read 9-11. Sure, it meant you only knew the time within a 10 minute period... but so what? At least the number was covered -- so if you never SAW 9-11, then it never WAS 9-11. I can only imagine it's a similar reason to why people won't number the 13th floor of a building as the 13th floor. But that was always weird to me... I mean, whatever you CALL it, it's still the 13th floor, right? Evidently not. But still... time is a man-made concept... and an inconsistent one at that (while it's 9-11 here, it's 10-11 in NY and 7-11 in LA.) Do you get how funny this is?

Keep in mind that our "work" with Angelo consisted of facing our fears and dropping ideas that we had about things. Now, remember those clocks with the final digits covered.

Laughing yet? :D I am.

OK, that's all for now. I've got to go spread some garlic on the windows to keep out the vampires.

How Many Does It Take?

Ivan sent me this joke and it cracked me up. I thought you might like it:

How many Buddha Fielders does it take to change a light bulb?
139

1 - to collect for weekly light bulb money

1 - to ask who is available for light bulb service

1 - to tell everyone how Angelo used to change his own light bulbs

57 - to turn it into an event, buy and prepare food, do major construction on and set up decorations in the venue, set up the PA gear and lights and clean up afterwards.

17 - to save seats at the event

4 - to come up with a cover story for the neighbors: saying that we are "movie club," "acting class," or some other "safe" group of people so "you can just move along now...there's nothing to see...."

7 - to tell everyone who wasn't invited that there is no function that night and that everyone else is coincidentally out of town and they should go home, drop their mind, and meditate.

3 - that will require countless hours of cleansing because the light bulb being changed triggered some major past life trauma.

1 - to write down 17 pages (as dictated from Angelo) about how the light bulb must be changed in order to be in the highest consciousness and avoid creating karma

7 - to argue about the interpretation of those instructions

3 - to tell all the "new" people how and why the BF method of changing light bulbs is far superior to all other methods, regardless of how long they've been around, how much better they are, or even in the face of obvious logic or personal experience to the contrary.

1 - to make an announcement that we are not to talk about changing light bulbs directly (because it might promote suspicion) and that we should refer to it as "cleaning the fish tank"

6 - to argue about better code phrases than "cleaning the fish tank"

1 - to make a movie out of it

9 - to turn it into a Halloween skit

1 - to write a song about it

4 - to argue that the song lyrics aren't "conscious" enough

1- to treat the old light bulb like a holy relic and vow to keep it in a silk bag under her pillow for the rest of her life

3 - to buy the bulbs, get told they got the wrong ones, and return them and buy new ones at least 4 more times...

1 - to actually change the light bulb

2 - people in the knowing to supervise the changing of the light bulb

7 - people to "share" about the experience

and 1 to add it to his blog. :D