A Rose By Any Other Name

I received an email from a friend on some insights she has had on her path after leaving the group. I love hearing how people are continuing on the journey to heal, grow and love. I thought there were some real gems in this, so with Blossom's permission, I wanted to share it with you:

Recently, I sat in meditation for a couple of hours while listening to a cool music station on cable. I have not been meditating for the past few weeks so consequently, the quiet time was most welcomed. For the last few weeks, I’ve simply been watching who I am without quiet time. A new theory from this non-meditation time has been showing up. I am finding that it's not about whether I choose to spend time in quiet and solitude...it's about staying magnetic -- and meditation simply helps me do this. However, because of little-to-no meditation in the past few weeks, I have not been feeling so magnetic. I’ve come to realize that when magnetic energy is flowing out of my hands (literally) and up into my face/head, I know that I'm hooked up, or rather, fully opened to THAT energy. I breath different -- not deeper, but fuller. I have found that I can be busy, busy and still BE in that flow; but on the other hand, I can use my busy, busy as an excuse to ignore that I'm not in the flow. Hence not being in that magnetic place becomes a tad uncomfortable. So consequently I can get depressed, lonely, etc.

Now, the million dollar question is this...we all know what happens if we ignore or stuff an unresolved issue or emotion – especially from childhood. It causes a block somewhere, in either our body or emotional makeup. We all acknowledge that this unresolved trauma can lead to an addiction or questionable behavior in order to not feel the original pain. Rolfers and body workers make a living off of releasing stuck emotions in the body. But what happens when that raw emotion shows up and we decide to instead shift into a “happy” thought? If we are sad then we think happy thoughts and become happy. Will this shifted emotion later return in the form of a questionable behavior because it was pushed down/away? We all know we cannot candy-coat an issue with a just a few happy thoughts. Who wants candy that is sweet on the outside but tastes kind of funky on the inside?

So far, so good. However, the next part is where it gets tricky.

Let’s up the ante a little more. What if we lift/shift into not just a “happy thought” but that genuine magnetic energy? It may be meditation. It may be a mantra. It may be sitting on the seashore. It may be just a deep, deep breath to fully open. In that energy, we all know there is no sadness, no anger, no need for anything or anyone. But what happens if we are not fully anchored in this bliss and still have unresolved crap? We have very, very clearly seen a demonstration of a being who has spent focused time in magnetic energy but has done little to resolve childhood issues. I would go out on a limb and venture to say that we have seen questionable if not addictive behavior from old unresolved wounds. Here is the tightrope: How many times have I myself gone up into that beautiful energy space to deny old, unresolved trauma only to come tumbling back to earth scratching my head.

In this past couple of years with no group and no teacher (believe me I tried to replace both but something at this time would just not let me), I've come to see what is so enticing about "masters." Masters spend a lot of focused time cultivating that magnetic energy. When we get in their energy field, suddenly we feel so good, so light, so magnetic ourselves. But...here is another tricky question. At what point are we giving away responsibility to a master to get us to this magnetic place over and over and over? Now...I can see how a master will jump start the student but the student must find their own magnetism not once or twice but repeatedly – and repeatedly away from the master’s physical presence. I recently learned of a Guru who told her disciples that they have everything they need to find God on their own. Consequently, the last I heard, she was rarely available to her students. It seems the more the student cultivates this magnetic space, the less and less the student needs a teacher. I think the hard part for me has been to not realize how focused I was during these guru/disciple times with achieving that magnetic space – no matter what the path has been. An example of this was when I was at Angelo’s garden on Saturdays. I would literally spend much of my mental/heart time in a very practiced and intent focus on God. I had no idea I was focusing on the internal magnetism. His home became the excuse to do this. I used to think it was he. I now see I spent time in my own practiced, disciplined way regardless of the task - arranging flowers, watering a garden, raking leaves or cleaning a pond. Close to two years later I have no excuse for this practice - meaning I have no place to go and say, "at this time I am going to think and be with God." But...here is the twist about “going to a place to perform service, or a church, going to the temple.” The church/temple/master/service is simply a reminder that we should do everything we can to stay in that magnetism/God/love – not just for that hour or two but all day long. There should be no external, scheduled excuse. It is an all day long, every minute of the day thing. In my mind this is the only prayer/intention that exists. How do we all stay in that energy all day long WHILE acknowledging deep self-inquiry and self-examination?

My recent experiment of no meditation (or practiced magnetism), no group and no master has shown me that focus needs to be more intent – simply because the scheduled reminders of satsang and service are gone. However, this intent, this focus/practice has the added component of watching myself when I go off into the land of trying to get a "fix" from something that will appease me in that moment. In the moment it feels so great (coconut cream pie) and allows for a momentary but very fake “god-hit.” When we were in the BF we were discouraged from doing this or that. I am coming to my own, “hey, I don’t want to do this or that cause it simply doesn’t feel good in or for my body.” And, while I have always been one to dig out dark corners from my psyche I now find an allowing for the deeper acknowledgment of old hurts that have been lost in the fog.

In conclusion, I can see there needs to be an awakeness while being “awake” around a teacher, otherwise it is all for naught once one leaves the nest. In my opinion, the disciple who knows the teacher is available simply as a constant reminder wins the game. It’s when we as disciples fall into the space of “only the master is god and I am nothing or can do nothing without the master.” Oh boy, we are asking for trouble and a cult is in the making.

This is nothing new really but simply more grounded and aware of the space that needs to continually be reconnected. There needs to be an awakeness to being asleep so one can remember to return to that magnetism. I am coming to see magnetism/God/the bigness/higher self is nothing fancy or mysterious and can be found and felt in many, many ways.