Letter from Moonbeam (Ryker's sister)

I received a beautiful email yesterday from Ryker's sister. With her permission, I am posting it. This is one benefit of the site that I hadn't foreseen and I'm very grateful to Moonbeam for her email. I had intended this site to help my friends, but it seems that it might also help people I've never met. That's fantastic.

Hello Tower,

We have not met personally, but I have known of you and Zena for many years..I am Ryker's sister. You may call me Moonbeam.

When Ryker left home at 19, I was married 9 years already.

My husband and I got on a plane for the first time and went to Ft. Lauderdale to visit him.

I knew about his acting class, and a group that he was in that held meetings. On one meeting night, Ryker took us to the bus station so that we could go to Disney World. I had no idea that this was to get us out of the house! We had a great time and Ryker picked us up the next night and brought us home.

When he moved to LA, and my parents resettled there, we visited also. Ryker & I tried to stay linked together because we were. Mom started to enjoy having a little business at the swap meets and she would say things to me about the group of ( friends) that I didn't understand. I would only get an "I don't know " everytime I asked a question. This still goes on today when I ask my father what something means, so I just thought they weren't privy to a lot of info.

During the first visit, I went to satsang, which Ryker was giving. I met the "in crowd" and was made to think the love included me. What a jerk I was.

Your story takes me back to the (I think you called it Shakti) where every one stares into your eyes, well it totally freaked me out! Living in New Jersey all my life, you never made eye contact, if you did you had to wonder what the hell someone wanted from you. Also all the hugging from perfect strangers, well, I was worried that my husband would slug someone if they didn't stop hugging him! yuck!

Well anyway I knew the oldies from then on.

I found the experience very mystical and it was sooo cool to see my baby brother conducting this group and explaining about the knowing and the love. I thought it was totally cool! My husband did not attend.

I'm sure that had I lived there, I would have joined right in.

I thank God that I wasn't able to walk into that mess! I'm sure it would have been a separation between my husband & I.

I asked questions, lots of them, but the answers were blurry. Right up until Ryker and I were talking about his wonderful news, this week.

I asked him to explain to me once and for all, what the hell was going on that had him so depressed, and feeling betrayed etc. I thought if I really knew about the entire last 25 years of his life, I could offer help. So he gave me this site and I have been glued to it for 2 days.

Thank you so much. I have read Ryker's story and am filled with rage that this monster has hurt so many people who opened their hearts to him. The young people that I have met through the years, now have to regroup and start all over. I pray that this journey will be different for all of you.

While reading your story, I laughed a lot. You are fun and cool. I love the bit about making the cakes with reg. ingredients, and when you peeked to see what Angelo was doing! You must have been a fun brother to Zena ! You still kept one foot on the ground, and stopped yourself from being totally sucked in. Which is a miracle in itself.

I'm am honored to have a small peek at how you have evolved through the years and I have every hope for those of you that have put a stop to the madness that cast a shadow over your search to find God and the love that you all share, that this will make you stronger and much wiser.

@Hi Moonbeam!
I can tell by what you write that we would have been friends. :D
I'm also glad that the site can help to give a little insight into what Ryker has been going through. I was really worried about him for a while but he's doing so much better now.
If it's OK, I'd like to post your message on the site. One, I think people will be uplifted with the hope that maybe they can mend the rift that was created with their family, and two, it might give them the idea of using this site as a way of sharing something that (trust me) is very hard to share with people.
I'm glad you read Ryker's story. When you walk in someone else's shoes, it opens up a connection with them. That was my hope for the site, and I'm thrilled that it worked in that way.

Also, were there terms or anything that you found confusing on the site? I think I've hit the biggies in the Concepts/Definitions section, but if there was something that was unclear, let me know.

>>Moonbeam responds:

Hello Tower,

I have been checking my email hoping you would find the time to write.

I hope that other family members will know that it's alright to ask questions. It is very important to keep our hearts open and never close them against our loved ones that are exploring different things. This is the door that lets us grow without putting up a wall when we don't understand. Let each other know that whatever path we choose, we can always come back to each other with no questions asked.

This is what I believe love is.

You may use my message if Ryker says it's OK.

I truly hope that we may all save what is left in the ashes of the past & rebuild a truth in the future.

Yes, the expression "you are in your mind" cracks me up. Did Angelo tell you it was better to be "out of your mind" ?

May you go on to reach people all over the world, to let them tell their stories and drop the "fear".