Tower: 7. Knowing Perks

When I first came to the BF, there was a lot of emphasis on the Knowing and how anyone experiencing that was truly alive (and even though the rest of us weren’t, if we were very lucky and very devoted -- we COULD be). Occasionally, when I would have to work on my reactions to something that someone with the Knowing had done (in cleansing), Angelo would say that I didn’t know where they were coming from because they had the experience of the Knowing and I can’t conceive of where they’re at. Effectively, it was a free pass for those with the Knowing. They never had to worry about answering to anyone (except Angelo). They never had to answer uncomfortable questions about their actions because their actions came from God and were ultimately Holy. I found that very convenient, you know? But there were a lot of things like that. If they liked something that happened they called it Grace and thanked Angelo for it… but if they didn’t like it, they called it karma and it was all your fault. They had you coming and going. But I have to say, it did force me into the realization that what was going on with someone else was not my business. My business is what is going on with me. My own experience in this moment is my whole world and deserves my complete focus. But, for me, the whole “mystique” of the Knowing dropped away pretty early on. I think for most people, it dropped away when Lazzari flipped out. Or maybe it didn’t drop away for them. In hindsight, it might have just been that moment when Angelo decided that it wasn’t a good idea to highlight the Knowing like that. Because he shifted it after that to focus more on Himself and the experience of God that was possible around him. Up until that time, everyone had been pretty much united in saying that the Knowing was impenetrable and we just couldn’t “get” it. Even though there had been people with the Knowing that had left the group in the past, it was always because they had gotten in their minds. But with Lazzari it was very obvious that he was very, very involved: he lived with Angelo and was living under his vision and guidance, he was in the “inner circle”, he was very into meditation, he was integrally involved in everything that went on. So, when he flipped out, they had a very hard time keeping up the Knowing mystique after that. Oh, you want to know the Lazzari incident? I can only tell you what I know. Basically, Lazzari was a devotee, and a personal servant of Angelo. Meaning he was around Angelo constantly, extremely devoted and serving him directly in some way. At one point, I was told that Lazzari had flipped out and decided that he was actually Muktananda. Supposedly, he was telling people that they should bow at his feet (and stuff that was usually reserved only for Angelo.) Lazzari had the Knowing and at the Xmas celebration several months before this incident, Angelo had shared about how beautiful a disciple Lazzari was (Angelo thought people were beautiful disciples when they were acknowledging how beautiful he was). Anyway, I don’t know the actual details. Aspirants were discouraged from asking those uncomfortable questions. We were told Lazzari had parasites or food allergies and because he didn’t seek Angelo’s help it got out of control and his mind got the better of him. It was made clear that he was the enemy (because he went to the police and everything to tell them about the cult) but it was done as “poor deluded sick Lazzari.” I think they ushered him off to India for a few weeks until he returned to normal. Then he returned in shame. I always had so much awe that he came back like that though. I thought it showed great courage and a huge devotion to Love. Not because he came back to the group, but because he followed what he saw as his path regardless of how judged he must have felt at the time.