Justice: 14. Our Opinions
Eating: It was his way or the highway. And his way was very unhealthy. It was based on partial and outdated information. That’s dangerous.
Sleeping: Ugh… I could strangle him when I think about this. He’s a sick mother-f.cker. Angelo has problems sleeping (probably because of his conscience) and that means that everybody needs to have problem sleeping. Sleeping is healthy but he didn’t think it was necessary. Somehow it was more spiritual if you could get by with less sleep. I think seriously that was because he had trouble sleeping so that idea fit the way he was living his life. Getting enough sleep was a real problem around him.
Basically, nothing was good that diverted attention from him. He only gave in or made concessions where he had to… on any issues. When he sees he is losing control, then he would ease up.. but only as far as he has to.
Pets: I remember him giving satsang in the beginning about how people were just trying to show off or get attention when they walked down the street with parrots on their shoulders. Hello. I know when we were living in this pastoral area in
Other races: He was prejudiced but I don’t know if it was a racial thing so much as a class thing. He felt superior. I don’t think he ever really voiced it… oh, actually with blacks I think he did say some things. And also with Mexicans. You probably can’t quote him as being racist, but how he would say stuff and when he would say it, it was obvious. I mean look at it. It’s all about appearances. Someone like me walks in the door, someone All-American, blue-eyed, strong and healthy and he was on my tail. Saying all this stuff to me. He was gaga… “You’re the one, no others.” Literally, he said all this stuff to me. And I didn’t know what he was talking about. I didn’t know who I was. I had nothing to offer. I was a cardboard cutout of a human being. Yet, how I looked got me into the upper echelon. Fast. THAT tells you who he was and what he’s about.
Other religions: No one but him had any validity. We would sit and watch TV or videos and Yogananda would come on, Osho would come on, Gangaji… anybody… any spiritual teacher. We would watch and we’d all get high, but inevitably – and anyone that lived in that house can verify this – after it was over, it would always be, “That was good, BUT…” Every time. Every time. He couldn’t stand the idea that anyone might have the full picture. Except him. Something that was always weird though... is that he was strangely protective of pedophiles. If there were any movies about a pedophile, he would always defend them. He would say it was good for the kids to have a mentor and that they liked it. And even when Quentin is coming in and out of the house (trying to dry out after a drug binge), trying to heal… he comes into the living room and sits down as we watch this movie about a priest screwing this young kid. And when the movie is over, Angelo defends the priest. While Quentin is sitting there. Quentin, who Angelo was screwing when he was a minor – and Quentin flips out. He’s just getting himself straighted up and off of drugs… why would he say something like that in that situation? I know why. Because he couldn’t help himself. Poor Quentin storms out…probably to try and find his next fix. It was just weird. He would slam the teachers after they spoke and then try to find some way to defend the pedophiles.
Angelo always shared that sex was a diversion of your energy. That it was better to let the energy rise. Relationships are just insecurities and weakness. You go to God alone. This is the way it was in the old school and that’s what sunk in with me. Later, I think it changed because he saw relationships helped him get people to stay around. I think he encouraged them and even arranged some. Sex started to become OK, but it was one of those things where the best thing was to have a high spiritual relationship… where sex happens every once in a while but it’s not the big thing… which… given my relationship with him… You know, he was f.cking me in the days when it was “No Sex” and he’d tell everyone to be abstinent and how sex was low and energy-diverting – that the energy couldn’t rise if you’re having sex. He didn’t explain the discrepancy. And I was the altar boy that wouldn’t ask.
I remember one incident sticking out in my head. In Arrowhead I think. A handful of those with the Knowing (and me, the Poodle) are on this hike. And Angelo turns around to us and asks, “If I broke my leg right here…and you picked me up and carried me… why would you do that?” And everyone said, “That’s what the moment would call for and that’s what a conscious person would do”… and all that. He said, “No! You’re all wrong It’s because you love me. “ That was so gross. Because the love he seemed to be talking about was this emotional gaga “you’re the one” love.. instead of “were all the same” love. I think that was the first time I noticed him starting to present to everybody, “I’m the ultimate love, meditate in me” It was a forced-fed response. I remember noticing that.
Charity: Angelo promoted a selfish attitude about serving. Serve him, but it was pretty much screw over everything else. He finally tied it up with the IRS and stuff.. but he was all about suing this one and getting insurance to pay for stuff. What can others do for you. Not what you can do for others outside of the Buddha Field. It was incestuous. Don’t let your energy get outside of me and my work because I can use all of it. That’s what I felt.
