Denomio: 5. Bodywork, Bodywork, Bodywork
Angelo is a man that has to have his routine and has to be in control. Once he decides that something is good, then he would do that day after day after day. He had a chair that he decided was good for him. All the other chairs hurt his back. And this chair he liked so he just sat in this chair and it contoured around him to the point where you’d look at it and you could see that it was warped so that one butt dent was higher than the other. He had been sitting in it in the exact same position for so long, it had completely molded itself and become distorted. We said, “Let’s get you a new chair.” But you couldn’t get him out of that chair. Because he was into his pattern. He wanted to go to the gym at the same time on the same day doing the exact same exercises every time. The new workout we started doing with him transformed his body because suddenly he started doing something new and it completely changed his movement patterns, but then those became his routine and he stopped changing because of it. Why was he so fixated on his routines? I don’t know.
Angelo had many different body workers working on his body. He was always more or less complaining about his body. At some points he would really complain that he was in a lot of physical pain and you could see it… that he was not moving well, or that he was wincing… But the complaining was constant. So different bodyworkers were brought in and if he found one he liked, he’d want it every day, all the time. I would come over every day and every night and give him an adjustment and then, on top of that, he’d see these other bodyworkers. At least once a week. Sometimes he’d see two different bodyworkers twice a week. So he was getting twenty to thirty hours of massage and bodywork, cranial sacral therapy… That’s what had happened with the chiropractic adjustment in LA. I wasn’t there in that period, but apparently he had been in pain and gotten a chiropractic adjustment and he liked it. So he had some disciples learn to do adjustments and then he was getting between five and fifteen chiropractic adjustments a day. I think he has some sort of neurological disorder. As far as all the shaking and spasms go. And he would get really intense muscle cramps. I’d watch his hands shake and how he moved. While there was a certain amount of fluidity, because he was a dancer, there was also a rigidness and inflexibility… but I think his fixation on his routine actually created more of a problem. It wasn’t a problem to get a chiropractic adjustment once or twice a week, but it became a problem when he got 5-15 adjustments each day. He had people around him and if his shoulder hurt, they’d adjust him. And he’d want the same things over and over again. I think that’s more a psychological thing. How he liked his routines so much. But that would be my frustration. Where he’s complaining about this exact same pain he’s been talking about every day for the last 6 months and he wants me to do the exact same treatment and then he’s complaining it’s not getting better. I’d say, “Let’s do something different! What’s the point of doing this again?” But it never got through to him. He wanted what he wanted and he liked what he liked. And he wanted it over and over and over.
In the mornings, I would give him an adjustment. I would go into his room and massage his calves while he was eating breakfast. So I got a lot of one-on-one time with him. And I did feel like he was fond of me. And I felt like he had a certain fondness or respect… that there were other beings that didn't absolutely kiss his ass that he liked... you couldn't NOT kiss his ass... you couldn't be so far out.. you HAD to kiss his ass to a certain extent for him to like you. But he also liked a certain amount of gumption. Again, that might have just been my own perception; but yeah, I thought he had a fondness for me that extended beyond the norm. I did get to see things that most people didn't get to: in his private atmosphere; while he speaking “privately” on the phone with people (they didn’t know I was in the room with him); in the mornings while he was eating breakfast, reading letters and making phone calls (that was when he would tend to a lot of Buddha Field matters).
Most people that were not in the inner circle didn't get to see how volatile he was because when we were in the class setting or in Satsang meetings, he definitely had a different persona. But when you were in the inner circle, in his bedroom or in his house, he was flying off the handle regularly. And often it was about all sorts of trivial things (like the couch incident). It was like being in a Mexican soap opera where he wanted to control what people were doing, what his disciples were doing, how they were thinking, how he was being perceived. And not just them, but all of their friends as well. He was very into controlling everything in his world around him. So when he perceived something as a threat or “not good,” it would be hours and hours and hours of drama at the house. People would gather to talk about this major problem. And often people would wonder why he saw it as a problem. And he would say, “Oh, you don’t see that this is going to happen… so why don’t you tell this story to this person…” Then someone else would chime in with the problems that doing THAT was going to create and we’d have hours of people coming up with different stories and perspectives of what we should do and how we should handle a “situation.” And many times it seemed so unnecessary. Artificially manufactured drama… like a Mexican soap opera. Most people didn’t get to see that. People got to see the wise-loving-compassionate-singing-songs-about-God Angelo. They didn’t get to see the person who was completely preoccupied with trying to control the outside world. Seeing threats all around that he needed to control or “take care of” before they became this big problem – and often, the best way to do that was to create a “story,” – and why not? After all, “truth is relative.” And it’s all to serve the highest good. And of course, only HE knew what the highest truth was. But what it really came down to, I think, was that he thought he really needed to be on top of controlling all the details around him. Of everybody around him. And that he knew best and could handle it. I'm not sure how to put it... One of the definitions of the narcissistic personality is thinking that you know best and that you know how to control all of these things, and he was really into trying to control EVERYTHING. And if something seemed to interfere with that he would get furious! Like, he would tell people to do certain things, “Go ahead and tell this person this story.” And then he’d call them the next day and ask if they had told them. And they’d say that they had and then they’d tell him what the other person had responded. And Angelo would ask what they said to that and when they told him, he’d scream, “What?!?! Why did you do that? You just f.cked all of this up! I told you to do this or that.” He was so into controlling every detail to the minutiae level and he wasn’t very good at it. So it created all sorts of drama that didn’t even need to be created.
At the time, it seemed a bit crazy. But then I would read the stories of other enlightened masters and it fit right in. I’d read the stories of Ramakrishna and think, “God, Ramakrishna seemed completely insane.” And I’d think, “Well, at least Angelo isn’t rolling around in the grass.” And I’d use those stories about other masters to justify that maybe this is what it is to be enlightened. That these people are in tune with the highest reality and it’s perceived by me as being insane. So maybe that’s part of this thing. We just kind of brushed it off as “that’s how he is” and maybe he has reason for that. Because people would tell stories about the crazy people in LA that were stalking Angelo and threatening to kill him and stuff… and you’d think maybe there was a reason for him to be paranoid. Later on, I started seeing that maybe it’s just his karma. That’s what he is manifesting. At the time though, I perceived it as him trying to protect himself from this energy out there. What I think he would say is, “I am the Christ and there is this AntiChrist energy and we are having to do this dance. I don’t want to do this dance. But I have to. Because this Anti-Christ energy is out there and we need to circumvent this.” Now I see that was part of what he was manifesting. We are all responsible for our own reality. He’d tell other people that. But he couldn’t see it in his own life… that he was manifesting crazy people or situations around himself. For example, I heard that story about when Lute found out about all the stuff going on and went into Angelo’s house and threw stuff around. Well, when I first heard it, I thought, “What an asshole that guy is.” Going in and busting up someone’s home and threatening to kill him and all that. But my second thought was, “That’s Angelo’s karma.” That’s what he always feared and now he has created it.
