Tower: 1. The Before Time (My Bio)

Each of our stories gives a brief introduction to the life of the person before coming to the Buddha Field. This is to try to put things into context and show that it is not one particular thing or one type of person that can fall into a situation like this. But each story does indicate the particular vulnerability that left us open to such an experience.

• Family: I grew up in a very tight-knit family in VA: two parents and a sister. I had a very good childhood, but I wasn't aware of it until I heard how screwed up some people’s childhoods were. It was happy, no major traumas. We did a lot together… as a family. My closest bonds before the Buddha field were with my family. We laughed a LOT… I think humor was the thing that could breach all boundaries. If it was funny, it was okay, no matter how mean or sarcastic or beyond the “accepted” behavior, if it was funny it was okay. Our family extended beyond the immediate family, there were also my aunts and uncles and cousins. It was like a clan (with a "c" not a "k") and everyone was very tight. From the outside it probably was the picture of the perfect American family with a white picket fence (and we actually had a white picket fence!) We had our problems but they weren't major problems.
• Religious (Christian) upbringing: I grew up in a Southern Baptist church. Geographically, we were right between Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts and Jim Bakker… so the area itself was very churchy. Southern Baptists are an evangelical sect of Christianity… I remember that they didn't believe in dancing. Our church didn’t anyway. I think it's one of the stricter sects as far as Christianity goes. My family was really involved with the church when I was young. We had Bible study on Monday nights, choir practice on Tuesday nights, church dinner on Wednesday nights, youth group on Friday nights, and two church services on Sunday (morning and evening). My parents took us (me and my sister)… we didn’t really have a choice about going until we were pretty old. It was OK though, because I enjoyed it… I enjoyed the spiritual aspect; but a lot of the fear-based stuff bothered me because I believed in a God of love and hell just doesn’t fit in with that to me. It never really made sense. Growing up in church did deeply influence me in thinking there was something beyond what you can see though. And I grew up thinking of Jesus as my friend. For a time, I wanted to be a monk and live a devout life serving God.
• Very well educated: Education was also extremely important in my family, especially math and English. Dad always said if you have those you can do anything -- so getting a good education was really stressed. Dad was really good about being there to tutor us… every night he would help us with homework. I graduated from college with a degree in math. I was a B student without trying. My sister was valedictorian of her class -- but she tried. She got straight A’s but I was a B student without trying. I guess we were smarter than average. I would say that our parents instilled in both of us a desire to understand. I’m always trying to learn about what I don't understand.
• Middle class: We pretty much had no savings but we had whatever we wanted. We weren't needy at home, but we weren't rich. I guess we were right in the middle of middle-class.
• No history of family sexual abuse: No sexual problems that I know of, we didn't discuss sex. It wasn't a sexual household. I don't remember seeing my parents kiss. The subject never came up. I’m sure my parents were physical. Just not in front of us.