2. NPD (Not Particularly Divine) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

At the end of a long, long, road I did start to question him on a regular basis. Several years ago I saw him for cleansing and flat out asked him, where was that man I originally followed? I told him that we had created a monster and I suggested that he go away, (without his entourage), and learn to tie his own shoes again. I questioned everything, his paranoia, (he denied), his deceit, (he denied) his sexual relationships, (he denied). He did admit however, that sometimes he was “clumsy” in his relating to certain issues but that was the extent of his acknowledgment of any transgressions.

From that day forth until I left, he treated me with kid-gloves. He was very, very sweet. He would call me every few weeks just to chat, tell me he loved me or act as if he was concerned about my affairs. For 2 years I would disappear for several weeks at a time to go on silent retreats with other spiritual groups, he not only knew about them but encouraged me to go. Now, that might sound normal to the average spiritual leader but anyone who was in this group would know that he would have never allowed that without great ridicule to say the least.

I found out after I left the BF, that the moment I walked out of his cleansing room that final confrontational afternoon he launched an all out alert to the entourage to “watch out” for me, that I am distraught and could be dangerous to the BF. I wondered why some of my closest friends distanced themselves from me. Funny, even though I had seen it many times with others it never occurred to me that it would happen to me. After some of the others had left, I received several tear filled calls from my friends apologizing for demonizing me for these past few years.

I really thought I could talk to him. If anyone could get through to him I thought and many others thought it was me. So, how could this happen? How could so many of us have been so fooled for so long?

The following copy in black is various excerpts taken from wikipedia.org, and bullyonline.org. These are direct quotes; anything written in brown is my personal comments and accounts. See if anything sounds familiar.

“Patients with narcissistic personality disorder often have a need to be the center of attention and to control events. They crave affection and admiration from others. They are perfectionists (about themselves). They may try to create dramatic crises (phantom enemies or constant need for body care) to obtain attention to return the focus to themselves. As with patients with antisocial personality disorder, entitlement issues are very important.” Some qualities of the narcissistic personality are:

• convincing, practiced liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment.
• has a Jekyll and Hyde nature – can be vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides. (on several occasions I witnessed Angelo fly off the handle in a fit of rage, screaming and carrying on like a spoiled child and then get out of his car in perfect stillness like an angel descending from heaven)
• excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive (he is a true “master” at this)
• uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
• possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict (or set it up where you would never dare cross the “master” for fear of judgment and ostracism) is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly
• cannot be trusted
• is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, he displays the emotional age of a five-year-old (frequent displays of spoiled tantrums and bizarre infantile sense of humor)
• exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behavior and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse.
• holds deep prejudices (eg. against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc.
• is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability (aloof)
• is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
• displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence (or only acknowledges those individuals that serve his agenda the rest of you are either in your ego, or nincompoops!)
• is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
• undermines and destroys anyone who he perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through his mask
• adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them.
• is quick to discredit and neutralize anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
• is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call him to account (or prevents that from being an option)
• is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg. guilt) (uses fear of karma a lot)
• poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions (he was a hypnotherapist for God sake, I handed over my psyche to this man every week for years. No one knew me better than he…my fears, my traumas, my deepest darkest secrets I trusted him with, I don’t think there is anything more powerful)
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression (on several occasions I witnessed his temperamental impatience and intolerance for anyone’s mistakes, or needs that superseded his own)
• is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; sees nothing wrong with their own behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
• is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
• often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
• often misses the semantic meaning of language, (or just makes it up)
• is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
• sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy (like around midnight on Thursday and Sunday nights) especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability “

OK, so maybe you’re one of those people who either was carefully guarded from such behavior or are in total denial. If you were sheltered from this description I’m here to tell you that I am a witness to this behavior. For those of you who say, “Well, I have heard the rumors but that’s just not my experience”, I said that for years and it was true. My experience of Angelo was always loving and kind, (to my face). Perhaps you only knew the The Generous, Selfless Narcissistic Guru.