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What you read here are true, first-hand accounts of life inside an alternative religious group. What we went through may seem incredible to you. But keep in mind, we were normal, every-day people. Just like you. And we never thought it would happen to us, either.

7.01.2007

Ryker 18: Being a Target

I feel absolutely betrayed. I became a threat to Angelo and he had an active group of people thwarting my independent way of sharing truth. Sharing that came from my own experience. There was no room for your own experience of truth. It had to be his way or the highway. It became so disgusting that when most other people shared satsang, it could only be about him. And I literally thought I was in an insane asylum after a while. Like “What has happened here?” And the more I saw that happen, the more I would be like, “This is my experience from meditating in this thing and that’s all that’s important.” Yes, I felt betrayed because he was supposed to be my example for enlightenment… not for worshiping him. I felt betrayed because many of my older friends that were there believed his idea that I was against him and trying to subvert his authority. And trying to take over. So they actually had meetings about me on how to deal with me and refute what I said the week before. Literally I would share and 3 days later at our meetings with Angelo he would use that platform to refute the exact things that I had said one or two days before. And I would just watch it and be like, “Wow.” I see now that he was really afraid of me. But then, I felt such betrayal. Like, “Why are they doing this to me?” and he would tell me “We’re not doing that, you’re being paranoid” But after the fact, people TOLD me they were doing that and apologized to me for it. He lied to my face over and over and over again. He really f.cked with my mind. Really, really bad. To me that’s the biggest crime. When you go to someone with a sincere heart and they manipulate you in that way for their own ends. Even if they’re sincere in that delusion (thinking that they’re God). It’s still a crime. That’s the biggest crime -- the manipulation of a sincere heart.

Yes, there were lists. Toward the end. Lists of who went to who’s meeting. After the large satsang meetings broke up into smaller groups meetings at individual houses, everyone who went to Satsang would be added to a list – where they went, who attended, who came to my meetings. The people who came to my meetings were reported and they would frequently get a call telling them to go to different meetings. People were specifically told to go to other people’s meetings because I was one of the very few who was sharing about real Truth… not just about “how beautiful Angelo is.” And it worked. Many people told me they were persuaded to go elsewhere. That he would tell them things like, “Ryker doesn’t share from his heart. He’s in his ego. Blah, blah, blah.” Angelo always claimed he wanted people to get a flavor from somebody else but I know damn well he just didn’t want them to hear me. And he wanted to send people to get his rhetoric from the other people.

What happened if you appeared on one of the lists? You’d get a call. At any time. In the middle of the night or whatever. And you’d get reamed for going to someone’s meeting that you shouldn’t have gone to. Or for not going at all… or whatever. Some people would always call me to see where I was sharing and I never sent them to someone else. I would always say, “I don’t care how many people are there, if you want to come hear what I share, I’m sharing here.” And then they would get reamed for going.